You’ve probably been to the doctor for a physical at some point in your life. I know I have once or twice! And the last time I was at my doctor’s office for an in-between-babies physical, I was required to fill out a questionnaire which included a long list of questions. These questions fell into two categories: The first were things I felt my doctor REALLY should know by now after 10 years of care. The second were things I felt my doctor REALLY should not be asking.
For instance, one question was “how much alcohol do you drink every week?” It was a multiple choice question with four options, none of which were “None”. I have almost always been pregnant or nursing, so I never drink. But if I answered this question with the options they provided, I’d look like I’m a bad mom that drinks while pregnant or nursing. However, if I selected “declined to answer”, I’d look like a guilty, bad mom that drinks!
Another was “What do you identify as?”
I’m in a Woman’s Clinic for a post-partum exam. ...Yeah, that's the world we live in now.
Well, in the past I’ve seen my body open up, and nine smaller people pop out of me…So I don't know, maybe I'm a “matryoshka doll”?
…But the tablet wouldn't accept that.
After completing the questionnaire, I was just a bit worried that my doctor’s lack of knowledge about me could indicate that I might not be getting the best care. I mean there’s a lot going on with me (little humans popping out of me being one of those things). And I have special parts that only a licensed, authorized, certified mechanic should be messing with!
...Maybe it should be ME requesting the doctor fill out a questionnaire.
At any rate, I answered all the questions in their tablet, putting numbers to the aspects of my existence that they thought were relevant. But in filling out this intimate survey of my life, it made me wonder about the statistics of my life which I would find important.
If I were to quantify, say, my "mommy-ness", what would that look like?
It would look something like this:
PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH
- I’ve spent 88 months of my life pregnant.
- More shocking, I’ve been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for a full 15 years of my adult life. That’s 62% of my life since I turned 21.
- I've been to over 150 prenatal check-ups.
- Morning sickness took up 72 weeks of my life.
- I was in labor for 82 hours.
DIAPERS
- I’ve had at least one child in diapers for over 20 years.
- With an average of 6 diapers a day (very low estimate), my 9 children wore 55,000 diapers so far.
- 90% (almost 50,000) of those diapers I’ve changed myself.
- If diapers cost 20 cents apiece, I’ve spent about $11,000 on diapers to date.
- If it only took an average of 1 minute for each diaper changing, I spent a total of over 900 hours just on changing diapers. (that’s over a month of my life; or like working a full-time job of JUST changing diapers for half a year)
MOMMYNESS
- Since 1998 I’ve never NOT had a car seat in my car. Or a stroller in my closet. Or cabinets without locks.
- I've lost at least 2,500 hours of sleep with first-year feedings.
- I’ve gone through 9 Baptisms, 5 First Communions, had two daughters graduate college and get married, all while holding a baby on my hip (and/or in my tummy).
- I’ve potty trained 8 children so far, and taught 3 how to drive. (still can’t say which task is WORSE…they’re both pretty bad)
- I’ve sang the “Nighty-Night” lullaby at least 10,000 times.
- Santa has filled 135 Christmas stockings at our house over the years.
- And the Easter Bunny has filled that many baskets.
- I’ve made almost 7,000 school lunches. (if each took 5 minutes, that’s almost 600 hours)
- I’ve made SO many birthday cakes.SO SO many
- I’ve never had a massage, manicure, pedicure, or even stepped foot in a spa.
- My last pair of jeans I bought with my groceries. (how else could I afford 55,000 diapers?!)
That’s not an exhaustive list by any means. But I think those numbers might tell you more about me than the hospital survey would.
Comments or thoughts? Share with me below. I’d love to hear from you!
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